A good friend of mine recently introduced me to the idea of "Highly Sensitive People" (or HSP), and I wish I had heard of this term before! This book was published in 1996, so the idea has been around for a while. I just think I could have saved myself from a lot of self-doubt and frustration over the years if I had known that being "this way" is a "thing".
The author writes in the first person, even including some anecdotes about herself. Reading this book feels like I'm sitting through a seminar - informative but also informal.
On the plus side, it was something of a relief to read about this trait. A lot of what is written resonated with me and made me feel better about myself. So I'm not a total weirdo! There are other people out there like me, and they do know just how I feel about certain situations! My dislike for shopping and my anxiety over things potentially going wrong (because I fear the logistical headache of sorting out things like car accidents and mis-communications) can all be explained by my being an HSP.
For me, the book helped shed light on the fact that American society tends to favor non-HSP traits (e.g., "warrior king" leadership qualities like ambition and boldness), but that HSP-related traits (e.g., "royal advisor" qualities like thoughtfulness and cautiousness) are also valuable. It was reassuring to see my emotions - and my personality type - validated, and helpful to get specific suggestions on how to cope with difficult situations and how to re-frame situations to better understand myself and my reactions. Besides the bit about warrior kings and royal advisors, probably the most relevant information for me was chapter 6 on vocations - figuring how what kind of job or career is best suited for you, and why. I recognized a lot of what was written in my own personal work experience - both in terms of being a stay-at-home mom now and also when I used to work in the software consulting industry.
Still, not everything in the book spoke to me. The book's early chapters talk about HSP-ness being both innate and learned, but I thought it focused too much on trying to place "blame" somewhere. For example, on page 47, it says, "Perhaps you had an overprotective, needy caretaker who really wanted a child very dependent and never able to leave." Then on page 51, "You'll want to think long and hard about who gave you this feeling in childhood, and why." The impression I got is that the author thinks a good portion of HSP-ness is caused by bad parenting, and every HSP would benefit from psychotherapy to understand the root of their HSP-ness. This is especially difficult to swallow if you are a thoughtful parent trying to understand your highly sensitive child. Certainly there is a spectrum of HSP-ness, and maybe some people's HSP-ness was caused by childhood trauma. However, for myself, I don't think it's anyone's "fault" that I am the way I am; I consider it more of an inborn trait that has been reinforced over time (partly by my own behavior and partly by the expectations of American society).
Overall, a worthwhile read. This HSP trait overlaps enough with introversion that I have finally decided to add Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking - which was recommended to me years ago - to my to-read list. Also, it makes me want to bump up in my queue Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, which was mentioned in this book.
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